You are your Choices

Most of us see dreams, but do nothing about it. Most of us want to change the course of their life, yet do nothing about it. I still remember the day I was whining to Atika, a dear friend of mine, "Bohot kaam hai,kaise khatam hoga?! " To which she replied upfront, "Kaam karne se khatam hota hai, rone se nahi" .That statement although very simple, has helped me finish things which I start, since then. Or even start doing things which I always want to.

Back in Lucknow, as days passed, it was getting more and more suffocating. Scared of the future and where I was heading to. I had no interest in teaching, not at least without gaining any experience in the field. I wanted to start a firm someday, but how? In a city where girls are not even sent to site visits, how was I supposed to understand the real world of architecture, just sitting behind the computer and doing exactly  what I was asked to. In a place where I was underestimated, my professional pace was getting slower and still slower.

I had a few friends in Bangalore, who suggested me to come to Bangalore. But that city was miles away. It was that time of the year when my batch mates dint even get their first job and I was willing to switch. I didn't get very positive responses from my advisors. Finding a job is difficult specially at that time of the year, I was told. Also, starting your portfolio all over again was a big task ,with a job, that already sucked. Bad day at office, impulsively I quit my job. Headed back home and finished my portfolio in 6 hours straight. Although,I was summoned back, I was determined to finish my portfolio atleast. I joined back, I thought it wasn't wise enough to leave it yet. Half-heartedly I gave my GATE exam, although I had no plans to do Masters yet. I have been calling few firms by now, to whom I sent my portfolio and resume. And then the next day after my Gate exam, I headed towards Bangalore, taking off for a week, from work.

The city seemed amazing, people seemed different, way different from the UP-ites. I gave a few interviews, got lost in the streets, rescued by my friends, I cried, I panicked, I fell, broke my ankle, but stood up again on my feet. I still had hope and remained calm and positive and then, I received a call. and then another and then, yet another. I needed a boost for my self -esteem which was crushed in Lucknow. I selected one from the two I thought were best and then I told I will come back in March first week, after finishing what I was doing in Lucknow.

They didn't deserve my returning back, although. I didn't want to quit without telling or simply telling a lame lie or leaving my work half-done-BIG mistake! I worked my a** off for three days till 9pm and they didn't even bother to pay me. Anyways, I soon left for Bangalore, for good.

So you know, how I told you I was underestimated in Lucknow. Well, my firm in Bangalore was totally the opposite. Here, they over estimate you. Put you on a test, how much you can handle, if you can handle the pressure, you stay, you get paid well, you get raise, but if you cannot, you quit. I was given a few projects to handle, under the guidance of a senior for few months. I was sent to three sites of my projects the very next day.

It's been 10 months now, I have learnt the hard way here, and I am enjoying every single bit of it. I have become a vertical here, handling almost 10 projects with few trainees under me. Every mistake, every issue of a working project, every scolding from my principal architect is worth a 5 hour lecture at college level. I am happy I am growing finally, exponentially, professionally. Things have become clearer, future is certain. And I am finally happy, with a feeling of satisfaction when I return home every evening.

You are your choices. You are what you decide you will be and nothing less. I am moving towards it. Towards what I want to be. I don't dream anymore. I see future.